Life is a series of gains and losses. No, I am not necessarily talking about
strength “gainz” as all my CrossFit friends know of. I am talking about the
gains and losses that we go through that make up our journey. The gains and losses that shape us, give us a
story, and create what we now know of as the present.
No matter who we are, we have all gone through these. We have lost friends we thought we never
would. Whether it be through distance,
situations, or death. But we’ve
gained. We’ve gained relationships,
family, soul mates, and appreciation for moments that go by too soon. We’ve lost time that seems to slip through
our fingers, just when we think we have enough, but we’ve gained a new outlook
and a new vision for how we want to spend our time going forward. We’ve lost innocence. The thought that “there are no bad people in
the world”, or “bad things won’t happen to good people”, but we’ve gained a new
perception of the world that drives us to ask questions and seek answers.
All of this seemed to come to my mind and surface, when I
returned from San Diego. On a whim, I
signed myself up for a competition the weekend after I returned. I figured, why the hell not? I’ll take this
competition, put no pressure on myself, and see what I still have to determine
what I will work on. I completely
surprised myself. However, at the end of
the competition on the drive home it wasn’t the ranking I held, the things I
used to do that I couldn’t do that day, or even the exhaustion that I thought
about. Rather, I found myself reflecting
over my series of gains and losses.
Anxious before I left for San Diego, I mentally tried to
prepare myself knowing that things may not be the same when I got there or even
when I returned. I wouldn’t have friends
like I do here, I wouldn’t have the same independence I do here, I wouldn’t
have as much space or room that I do here, I wouldn’t have the same strength
(literal barbell strength) that I worked so hard to gain the months prior, and
some of my ideas, perceptions, and outlooks may change. And when I got there, and this all hit me as
reality it was time to adjust and get comfy.
Yes, I lost things this summer.
Some were more difficult to cope with than others but on that drive home
from the competition I couldn’t help but think…
Wow, what I found is
pretty incredible.
Often, when we lose something I find that people reflect on
what they lost, what is no longer with them, and what they once had, but not
enough credit is given to the things we find!
Not enough pride is shown for being where we are because of that loss.
I used to think that as I lost something, I was losing a
part of me. However, what was really
happening was I was finding something that was creating the greatest version of
myself.
When I left for college my freshmen year, I went through a
bit of a rough transition. A transition
of panic because of leaving home, having to meet friends, and basically having
to press the restart button. I panicked
for months with this impression that when I left home, I left everything that
made me who I was. Coaches weren’t going
to remember me or what I did, people at my local Starbucks weren’t going to
remember my favorite drink, and people at my CrossFit box were going to forget
how much I loved it. Let me clarify…
this was all a big ol’ illusion. What I thought was the end of many things, was
just the beginning of so much more.
I started at Drake University and in my past 3 and a half
years here, have had opportunities I truly do not believe I would have had
anywhere else. I found that here, I have
been able to pursue my passions, be challenged, and take on experiences I never
even knew were possible.
I thought as though I was losing my community back home when
I left for Drake, when, little did I know, three years later I can look around
and see I was just finding another one. I realized that these things I had
found began to shape me. They challenged
me to reach my greater potential. I realized each time I lost something; it
brought on a different experience that would teach me something new and develop
me into the person who I am today… of which I wouldn’t trade for the world.
It seemed as though just when I thought I was lost, and
losing it all… I was truly found. The things I have found are more myself than
ever and I often think it would not be that way had I not lost things along the
way.
Through my experience in San Diego, going away to school,
and so many other experiences, I reflected on just a few of the things I have
found.
I have lost fear, and found confidence.
I have lost some CrossFit abilities, but I’ve found a deeper
drive to improve.
I have lost my little box I live in, and found wings that
are ready for opportunities.
I have lost friends, but found soul mates.
I have lost anxiety, but found an unstoppable desire to
chase my dreams.
Growth and change isn’t easy. And a loss is always tough. Just as our joints have pains when going
through growth, these so called “growing pains”… so do our minds and the non-materialistic
parts of our lives. But it is at these points when we need to stop, reflect,
and be thankful for those losses…
They are creating who you are & You are awesome.
