Friday, September 9, 2016

We'll hate what we lost, but love what we found

Life is a series of gains and losses.  No, I am not necessarily talking about strength “gainz” as all my CrossFit friends know of. I am talking about the gains and losses that we go through that make up our journey.  The gains and losses that shape us, give us a story, and create what we now know of as the present. 

No matter who we are, we have all gone through these.  We have lost friends we thought we never would.  Whether it be through distance, situations, or death.  But we’ve gained.  We’ve gained relationships, family, soul mates, and appreciation for moments that go by too soon.  We’ve lost time that seems to slip through our fingers, just when we think we have enough, but we’ve gained a new outlook and a new vision for how we want to spend our time going forward.  We’ve lost innocence.  The thought that “there are no bad people in the world”, or “bad things won’t happen to good people”, but we’ve gained a new perception of the world that drives us to ask questions and seek answers. 

All of this seemed to come to my mind and surface, when I returned from San Diego.  On a whim, I signed myself up for a competition the weekend after I returned.  I figured, why the hell not? I’ll take this competition, put no pressure on myself, and see what I still have to determine what I will work on.  I completely surprised myself.  However, at the end of the competition on the drive home it wasn’t the ranking I held, the things I used to do that I couldn’t do that day, or even the exhaustion that I thought about.  Rather, I found myself reflecting over my series of gains and losses. 

Anxious before I left for San Diego, I mentally tried to prepare myself knowing that things may not be the same when I got there or even when I returned.  I wouldn’t have friends like I do here, I wouldn’t have the same independence I do here, I wouldn’t have as much space or room that I do here, I wouldn’t have the same strength (literal barbell strength) that I worked so hard to gain the months prior, and some of my ideas, perceptions, and outlooks may change.  And when I got there, and this all hit me as reality it was time to adjust and get comfy.  Yes, I lost things this summer.  Some were more difficult to cope with than others but on that drive home from the competition I couldn’t help but think…

Wow, what I found is pretty incredible.

Often, when we lose something I find that people reflect on what they lost, what is no longer with them, and what they once had, but not enough credit is given to the things we find!

Not enough pride is shown for being where we are because of that loss. 

I used to think that as I lost something, I was losing a part of me.  However, what was really happening was I was finding something that was creating the greatest version of myself. 

When I left for college my freshmen year, I went through a bit of a rough transition.  A transition of panic because of leaving home, having to meet friends, and basically having to press the restart button.  I panicked for months with this impression that when I left home, I left everything that made me who I was.  Coaches weren’t going to remember me or what I did, people at my local Starbucks weren’t going to remember my favorite drink, and people at my CrossFit box were going to forget how much I loved it.  Let me clarify… this was all a big ol’ illusion. What I thought was the end of many things, was just the beginning of so much more.

I started at Drake University and in my past 3 and a half years here, have had opportunities I truly do not believe I would have had anywhere else.  I found that here, I have been able to pursue my passions, be challenged, and take on experiences I never even knew were possible. 

I thought as though I was losing my community back home when I left for Drake, when, little did I know, three years later I can look around and see I was just finding another one. I realized that these things I had found began to shape me.  They challenged me to reach my greater potential. I realized each time I lost something; it brought on a different experience that would teach me something new and develop me into the person who I am today… of which I wouldn’t trade for the world.

It seemed as though just when I thought I was lost, and losing it all… I was truly found. The things I have found are more myself than ever and I often think it would not be that way had I not lost things along the way.

Through my experience in San Diego, going away to school, and so many other experiences, I reflected on just a few of the things I have found.

I have lost fear, and found confidence.
I have lost some CrossFit abilities, but I’ve found a deeper drive to improve.
I have lost my little box I live in, and found wings that are ready for opportunities.
I have lost friends, but found soul mates. 
I have lost anxiety, but found an unstoppable desire to chase my dreams.

Growth and change isn’t easy.  And a loss is always tough.  Just as our joints have pains when going through growth, these so called “growing pains”… so do our minds and the non-materialistic parts of our lives. But it is at these points when we need to stop, reflect, and be thankful for those losses…


They are creating who you are & You are awesome.